Be you
A blog about why I am an artist and love art.
Hello everyone:
I am sorry that today’s blog was late by a day. I was dealing with some issues and family visits. Today’s blog is going to be about how I got into art and why I love it. Starts with me as a child. Having to draw things in class when I was younger. I used to copy drawings by tracing things. That’s all I was thought to do. One day my cousin who was also my baby-sitter caught me. She told me to stop, and that she believed in me. She told me that I can draw it myself. That I knew how if I just let myself try.
For some reason my cousin was right. I’ve been drawing from my muses ever since. For instance, animals, family members, etc. Painting I learned from my teachers and then well I was set. I loved the sound of the brushes against canvas, the smell of the paint and the fact that I seemed to get it everywhere without trying. It felt like home. Like I have always been painting. Not sure why, just felt like my soul was happy trying to make something beautiful out of something blank.
The thing that always upset me though was that I can never draw in grids that everyone seems to do. I could only draw from what I saw. Photos in front of me. People that I saw. Animals that I saw. I could not do them in grids no matter how hard I tried. It looked wrong. So very wrong. I just look and seem to draw what I see in front of me.
Another issue I had was trying to draw and paint things out of my imagination. I could do it, but it looked so childish and not much detail. Detail is something I seem to put into all my drawings and paintings. At least until my car accident. Then I went back to being childish drawings or paintings.
I do have one painting that I love. It came from a description in a book that really touched my heart. I painted it when I was 19 or 20. Can’t quit remember. It was a place where a friend waited for his friend until he died. Then the two of them sat there telling stories for many more years. That just made me think how good friends can be. You don’t see them for years and then well the next time you see them it is like you never left and you talk, and talk. I have a few friends like that. They are close to my heart as well.
I’ve decided at my age that I can’t be anyone else that what I am now. When I was younger, I was always trying to be someone else to please other people. Since I lost a lot of what I used to be anything that I am now is what I will continue to be. Being someone, you are not to please other people never works. They will think you are lazy, a horrible person and not good enough. Trust me. I know what some people think of me.
Here is what I am, troubled, disorganized, filled with anger at times, not the best cleaner, not the best cooker. I do have some dishes I am good at cooking, only because they are stables and I learned to do them well. I am a baker, knitter, scrap booker, wood burner, painter, writer. A gamer, a nerd who loves fantasy, and sci-fi. A mystery lover. I love to laugh. I am a cat lover, and a dog lover. I am also a wife, a daughter, a friend and a cousin or niece. I became an adult much earlier that I should have been. No one really knows how or why, but I do. A person who hides at scary things in movies, but sees bad things happen in the real world and wants to stop it. Try to fix it. A believer in God, Angels, Jesus, and spiritual stuff. Everyone has a religion they believe in or lack of religion. I don’t judge. It’s not for me to judge what people do. I believe in their actions. Good people weather they believe in God or not are good. Some people who believe in God, can still be bad people. I do believe I was dead and do know who I was talking to at that time. As well as what I felt. I also know I’ve been saved and helped by Angels. Sent to earth and ones that are always angels. There is a difference.
I am so many more things that I could fill a book with, but I won’t. This blog is about my artist side. As well as my belief in the fact that I am an artist. Art is in your soul. It is a need to create something that is beautiful for the world to see and enjoy. Or for some it’s to create something scary, unusual, different, etc. The need to create is so ingrained in you that you can’t stop creating. It will wake you up in the middle of the night to create something from your thoughts. It will make you want to put a beautiful memory on something blank for all to see. A dark memory of hurt as well.
I’ve had many people tell me I am not an artist. I’ve also had many people who told me that I suck as an artist, and no one will buy what I create. Let me tell you that I am an artist. I’ve had times when people haven’t bought what I create. I’ve also had times when people did buy what I created. You know what? Even when people didn’t buy what I create I still create. People will ask you why. I tell you it’s because I am an artist and I have a need in my soul to create something to help people. To take away their troubles for just a moment. To take away my troubles for a moment. To give joy, sadness, love, anger, etc., to people weather I am alive or dead. By something I can create.
When I am painting, wood burning, creating is when my soul sings. When I feel so much joy that I could sing all day. I am home, safe where I need to be. I am not scared, afraid, angry, or depressed. I can be those things when I start to create but by the time, I am done my soul knows it has done what I am meant to do. Create something to make the world a better place somehow. To leave a smile for someone. Even if it’s just one person that is all it takes.
For me when I was younger, the sound of the paint going against canvas or wood, or tiles from the ceiling was heaven. I wouldn’t hear the sounds of cars passing by, nor the sound of people talking, the tv or barking from dogs. Nothing mattered but the sound of paint creating something from nothing. The smell of paint would be the only thing you could smell at that moment. You’d be in a trance, concentration so fully on what you were doing everything would fade away.
You would then be in that moment. To be in that quietness. The silence. When this happened then and now, I can almost feel the love I felt when I died. At least I think I died. Just for a moment. I felt the hug, the exactness of you will always be loved by me. Who is the me? That is different for everyone but is still there for everyone if they look and do what they love.
Be you and do what you love. No matter the noise. No matter the doubt. Do not give up on you. You are you for a reason!
Here are some of my drawings as kid, some drawings as a teenager and some paintings as a teenager.
Here are some other places that I sell fun things I create.
