Glass Fusing

So, my next class I took that was getting me back to painting and drawing was Glass Fusing. This was at a time when I was at my lowest, and the angriest. The accident was hard and so was all the fallout from it. People who didn’t believe anything was wrong with me. Including Family. That hurt big time. Sometimes it still hurts. I want to be able to have the memory I had before the accident. I could picture almost anything that happened in my life. All the people, all the wonderful memories, the horrible memories too unfortunately. This not seeing pictures in my mind of the good memories, or those that I love that have died is so very hard. When I’m not around people they go fuzzy now too. I make sure to check out all photos I have of them to try to keep it from being fuzzy. The passing out when I get migraines is just something I live with now. Along with the fact I feel pain wrong. The unorganized way I live now, is so much worse. The procrastination, the unable to figure out what to do first is bad. I’ve gotten back into using a planner and that has helped me a little. Except for days when I am just to tired for anything. That is from my lack of Vitamin B12. Runs in my family for some reason too. My Grandpa on my dad’s side had it. So does my mom.

This is why it’s had to talk about Glass Fusing. I loved doing glass fusing, but the sadness, hurt and angry parts seem to pop up when I think about Glass Fusing. It’s not the easiest to take out my feelings at the time from brief memories of doing Glass Fusing.

I can tell you what I loved about it. Breaking the glass with a hammer or cutting the glass. I remember I would also cut myself at times and not know until I saw blood, or someone mentioned I was cut. Started to wear gloves for a bit as the people at the class did not have insurance for that or something, I think. I remember it being hard to use gloves. I loved making patterns and making scenes with the glass. Things were so pretty. Felt like I was at times doing my favorite kind of art abstract.

I even got a kiln to do it at home. Used the little one quite a lot, never got to use the big one. Mostly because the wiring was bad in my apartment. The reason why I know this is my Dad knew this. He is a handy man. A man that makes things, that fixes thing, and would make sure all is right. I trust his judgment on that the most. He is also right about that stuff.

I tried hard to make things beautiful and that would last a long time. Don’t know if that is the case, but I tried. I am trying hard to remember all the things I need to tell you about glass fusing, but not much is coming out.

All I am getting is the feelings again. See after the accident I had a lot of anger, confusion, frustration, etc. Yet it took me nearly a year to cry. I’d done a glass fusing class, came home and watched Grey’s Anatomy. The episode is one where Izzy’s fiancé died. I completely lost it and got back my crying. The issue was I couldn’t stop. A year’s worth of crying wanted to come out. The only reason I did stop was my sweet cat Bella put her paw on my shoulder and scared me so much that I jumped out of my skin. So did she. Then I burst out laughing.

She was and is my best friend, even though she was a cat. She never judged me, just loved me. I didn’t make anything for her out of glass fusing. I did out of Jewellery class. I think she loved it as she wore it for a long time.

I remember vaguely the sound I would make cutting glass. The smell of the glass fusing and using the glue for placement. But I can’t remember how to explain what I did, what I used to make broches, or necklace pieces or sort of stained glass. I even made bowls but trying to remember how is all fuzzy for me. Nothing but fuzziness. Probably since it’s been a really long time since I made anything out of glass. I miss it. I know doing it made me happy, but remembering is not working well.

Glass fusing was a way to create. A way to express myself and help calm or sooth my nerves when it did. A way to bring something beautiful into this world and leave it better. That’s what I try to do with all my artwork.

It’s not for everyone. I know it whole heartly. But if it touches anyone’s heart. Makes them happy then I will be happy that people enjoy it and that it gives them joy. All I ever try and do. I hope when you do your artwork that it makes you happy and full of joy. Or that it heals the pain inside. Sometimes I know you have to do that as well. Have a good day.