Holidays

So we all made it through the holidays and the New Year! Chinese New Year is coming quick. I hope you all enjoyed the holidays. It was hard to this year as I got sick. So did my husband. We caught the flu from my mom. So that wasn’t fun at all. As well as going through quite a lot of stressful things. Some are still around.

I actually didn’t get those warm childhood feelings about Christmas until after it was done and we got new lights. The colours of the lights were comforting and reminding me of waking up in Grandpa and Grandma’s house on Christmas Morning. Every one was half asleep and I was raring to go way before them. I tried not to wake them early, but I always did.

The holidays are hard when those you love are missing. This year I lost my cat, Styxx. He was my baby boy. Always waiting outside the bedroom door to say good morning. His meow sounded like mama. His purrs were so low all you got were vibrations. I loved him so much. My other cat made sure I looked after him, then she died. She was with me for 20. He only lasted 10. I still don’t know why, or even what happened.

I do believe that is why my holidays were so rough this year. How do you say goodbye to your angels? They loved me for me and never hated me. The worse part is I’m already forgetting what he felt like and what he smelt like. Since I made a memorial book at least I can still remember what he looks like. I look at it everyday. Mostly so I can remember.

When these things called memory issues happen it destroys me. How can I forget what my angel, Bella looks like. I had her for 20 years. How can I forget what Styxx looked like. I had him with me for 10. It’s so important to remember people you love, but I can’t do it without photos.

To me this is the worst part of my brain injury. Up until I was 20 years old I remembered the face of my worst Childhood bully. Couldn’t forget a face, a line of what was said or done either. I couldn’t even forget phone numbers. Now, that’s all I do. My memory is so faulty, it’s scary.

You know for quite a long time, I was painting without shadows. I’d just forget. To me that’s bad. If you are struggling with this too, know at least you are not alone. Please know that there are other people out there that get it. My fix is just take a lot of pictures.

Also know that the holidays are never supposed to be perfect. I’m telling you, if you think they are, you are forgetting the runny potatoes or burnt dessert. Why?

Probably because you are happy with the memories that you made. Hold them tight and never let them go if you can. Life without memories is hard. Love each other and hold on tight. That is what is most important. Live in the now, make sure your memories are of love. Take care of you and yours always.