Late for the blog

Hello Everyone

This blog is very late. I am going to change the date when I put it on the blog, but it was supposed to be put in August 2nd, 2023. Unfortunately, it is now this date. I am going to do more blogs to catch up, and then try again to do one a week. I will not be putting on a date. Mostly, because I don’t want to disappoint you all again. That is if I did. If you just found me. Yeah, that makes me happy. Hi. For those that have been reading my posts so far. Thank you for coming back.

Let me tell you what has been happening and why I haven’t been posting as much as I like and then I will tell you about going to pottery to create something after my brain injury. I’ve told you before that I got painful migraines after my car accident. A doctor got me on some pills to help me, and I didn’t understand that it had testosterone in them. Not that great if you are a lady . My anger had changed because of my car accident, but after being put on this pill it seemed to get much worse.

I ended up being taken off the pill I was on, by a new doctor I was seeing. Now she was not so helpful and told me to get a job and the migraines would go away. I did have a job, and no, the migraines did not go away. I took Advil to help. There is an issue I have with my migraines since the accident and the new doctor or any other doctor I tell this too ignores me or tells me I am lying. I am not.

This is what happens. I either get so much pain that everything hurts and suddenly I just pass out. Sometimes I can tell my Husband it’s about to happen before it does, and I am gone. Sometimes I try and tell him or even talk to him and gibberish comes out. I stumble around and look drunk. I had a doctor tell me to go sleep off my alcohol once in emergency room when I had an issue. I was pissed off, and thankfully so was the best doctor I know. He stood up for me. I hate that I moved, and I hated that he retired.

When I pass out, I might be gone for more than an hour or two. It’s really, bad when I don’t have Advil and it is about to rain, or snow.

The only exclamation or help I have gotten from someone who wasn’t a doctor, but who was someone who worked with brain injury survivors was that my brain can’t handle the pain and shuts down. Sort of like a reboot until it can be as normal as it is. That is what I go with as I have no other idea what to do about it. I am a little scared as now I also am getting something new which is a white film over my eyes, and I can’t see at times. The eye doctor doesn’t seem worried. I am, but you know, I just got to live with it now.

So, the last few weeks I have been getting way more migraines than normal and there has been more rain and thunderstorms going on. Another thing when I get these migraines is it can be hard for me to even talk or write in any cohesive way. I don’t want to make you all confused with my own issues, so I stayed away for far too long. I am getting a headache as I am going along today. Hopefully I can make this blog make sense to you.

As I stated before, after the accident I had a lot of help to try and fix some of my issues. Some of them were indeed helped, and others can never be helped. Like the fact that I haven’t seen my dad in two years so I don’t remember what he looks like. I look at his pictures to try and help, but yeah all I can see in my head is a fuzzy looking man. I see some of my friends who I haven’t seen in two years on Facebook so I can remember them so much more. My grandparents who are gone, just a bunch of warm feelings and fuzzy looking people in my mind.

I look at pictures to help, but it’s not quite enough as I don’t look as much as I do as the people on Facebook. Ask me what I did last week, or watched last week and I can only give you a very small number of memories and by the week after that, nothing. Not a thing. Yet some long-term memories I should forget not gone. Some that I should have forgotten come back to me, especially if they are good memories and I have photos.

Any how. I was getting help at this amazing place called The Opportunity Centre. It has changed a lot since I was there. It is more for people that need more help than people like me. Yet that place gave me the most wonderful memories that I took so many pictures of and helped me to no end. I wish they could still help people with less issues like they used to, but time and the people in charge change. Anyhow one of the workers there was talking to me, and I have no idea what was said or how, but I managed to get into pottery class. I had never taken it before. Never understood it, but I thought why not. Something to do.

The teacher was amazing. Told us what to do and showed us. My favorite part was and is throwing the clay. Goodness that was great. Back then I was angry and let me tell you, throwing the clay helped for a little bit. My first class I made a dish and I still have it now. Up until a year ago it was in tack. Last year it got broken. Made me a little sad as that was close to 20 some years ago. I gave it to my grandpa that dish and he had it on his table right besides him until the day he died. I think he was proud of me. Heck I was proud of me as it was beautiful. I don’t remember all the things I made. I gave some away for presents and one away to a stranger in need. I can tell you it was just the right thing to give away as it was an angel.

If I could, I think I might still make pottery today. It was calming, so calming and you could make anything. Angels, dishes, dragons, cats, and a koi pond. The last one was fun to do. The other things I made can’t remember, don’t know where it is or where it went. There is a pattern here. Patterns in clay were fast and fun to do if you had the right tools or items to make the patterns.

I didn’t even mind that my hands got dirty when I was creating all those items. It was calming and helped me immensely. Now there was a few times I would get upset when I went as I could not think of what to do. Yet I think I still threw clay on the ground and let my anger out. The one thing that I could not use and still think I would have a problem with is the pottery wheel that Demi Moore and Patrick Sweezy used in the movie Ghost. I tried to use it, but right after using it I tried to get up and almost ended up on the floor. My balance was very off.

I got lost in creating, the hum of people around me talking to me and others. There were times I didn’t even hear what was said as I was really focused. Other times all I did was, talk and talk as I had no idea what to do. I can still feel how calming that class was. So, if you have lost something you used to do, try pottery. Try creating something useful. It will be fun, and you won’t feel useless. Also, with the right teacher they will help you no mater what crazy or silly question you have.

I am closing my eyes for everyone trying to get my memories for you, but all I have are feelings. Happiness, calmness for awhile. Feeling a purpose again. The feeling of the clay on your hands. It’s strange earthy feel. The smell was earthy like too. I can sort of see when the sunlight came through the windows. I can’t remember all my classmates, but I do remember a few as they became my friends. I still care about them to this day.

If you ask me to tell you what I learned, I can’t. I don’t remember it anymore as I stopped doing it. I know there are quite a few things not to do. Quite a few things you need to do, or your pottery will break. I know we must use something called slip or slit I think that glues the pottery together. It is very, very wet clay.

I know this was a very important part of my journey to get back to painting. It had painting in it, to color the clay you painted it. You followed what you made. You tried hard not to make it horrible. Mostly the kiln made it or broke your work. I think I had a few things that broke, but for the life of me I am unsure. I wanted to give you a more in depth take on this wonderful medium, but I can only give you what I have. What I have isn’t always everyone’s cup of tea.

I know though that if I want to do pottery again, I will need to go back to class. Will I get a teacher that understands the fact I forget things. I don’t know. I hope so. One day I would like to do some pottery again. Creating is something I love. As well as throwing things on the ground. Yes, I am smiling thinking about it as it was really fun.

Everyone’s journey is going to be different. You might not be able to do pottery. Don’t give up. If you can’t make you can sculpt instead. Or use oven clay, or modeling. Another thing you could do is look for an amazing place that makes the pottery for you, and all you must do is paint it. That could work for you as well. If that doesn’t work, get someone to do it for you, but make jokes as you sit there. Just do something if you can. Trying, and doing are two different things, but both are important on your journey getting to the new you. Or a closer you that you lost.

Believe in yourself. Being the new you is hard, believing in yourself is hard as well. I want you to know that I’ve been in the dark place you are in, and some days I am still there. We all are. Bad days, come and go. Bad times to. Reach for the good times, memories and try for the happiness. We all deserve it no matter how broken we are.

Thanks for listening.

Here is one picture of some of the things I have made. Enjoy.